Putting "We-ness" into Marriage

This Valentine's Day weekend brings another reminder to Anita and I that we have entered into the second half of marriage. First, the news:

Jason and Jaime are expecting a baby in September!

I choose to take the optimistic road and say this DOES NOT make us old! After all, we are already grandparents to Jack, so now we are just doubling our blessings. And, we still have one son at home - a junior in high school - and a daughter who is a senior in college.

With all that said, our marriage relationship is changing. Yes, we will be doting grandparents; yes, we will still be involved in our two older sons and daughter-in-law's lives; yes, we have college events for our daughter and high school stuff for our son. But slowly, surely, we are discovering that we are moving into a season that is more partner focused than child focused.

Just what will that mean? Maybe some of the following:

• Maximizing individual strengths for the benefit of both of us
• Finding time to be companions
• Understanding that compatibility doesn't always mean agreement
• Continually adjusting to each other
• Striving to be partner focused
• Share rather than divide
• Make creative use of conflict
• Work hard at communicating
• Commitment to continued growth

So here it is Valentine's Day Eve (I just created another holiday) and I am so thankful that I have the blessing of being married to Anita and sharing it with her. I am grateful for our first half of marriage and celebrations, but I'm excited about our second half!

Love Needs More Than Just One Day

After 30+ years of marriage, the anticipation of Valentine's Day hasn't worn off. To be sure, like most holidays, crass commercialization can be overwhelming at times. But you can make choices to not let the marketing message overwhelm you. That's the path I'm choosing.

I think the expressions of our love need more than just one day - it's really a 24/7/365 kind of thing. I know I need all the help I can get, so I'm beginning early, and will continue long after 2/14 has passed.



For instance, I choose to take the following scripture verses as a lesson in the attributes I need to be practicing daily in my marriage:

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Colossians 3:12-14

As this art by Daniel Erlander shows, love binds the other attributes together in all of our life, not just Valentine's Day.

Still, this February 14 would be a good place to start practicing these actions on a daily basis!

Here's an early Happy Valentine's day message to Anita:

I renew my commitment to you and to growing together in the second half of our marriage. I will ask forgiveness and be forgiving. I will let compassion and kindness flow from my life into yours. I ask your patience with me (sometimes daily)! Together we can keep dreaming about what can be, and be willing to let go of missed dreams. As great as the first half of marriage has been, I pledge to be a loving and close companion so that our second half well be even better.

I love you!