30 Years and It's Just Halftime!

Entrepreneur and successful businessman Bob Buford is well known for founding not only the Leadership Network but the Halftime® organization. Halftime was founded on the principle that successful individuals often have a deep desire to have a second half life rich in eternal significance.

The Halftime® organization is, in essence, a community of individuals together seeking to support, encourage, learn and accelerate the attainment of a life that is truly significant. People who in this category are not alone: More than 12,000 people turn 50 each day in America, and a Harvard-Met Life study shows that more than half of these individuals want more meaning and significance in the second half. But this is still a very new phenomenon. Along with a companion organization, SuccesstoSignificance, the two groups help marketplace leaders redefine success and reorient their priorities, they can make an enormous impact on their communities and the world at large.

But this post is not about the second half of life as described above – it’s about the second half of marriage. Loosely defined, that would be the time of marriage after children have left home and begun their journey into adulthood. It’s also characterized by elderly parents needing more attention for health and lifestyle issues.

When children begin leaving the nest, and a couple’s parents need care, marriages change. Like many times of change, couples are often unprepared for those changes.

Having just celebrated thirty years of marriage, and just beginning to enter into the scenarios described above, I thought it very worthwhile to investigate this stage of marriage. Tomorrow, I will start a two-day look at a great resource for couples who find themselves getting ready for the second half of marriage.

It's going to be an interesting journey!

10,958 Days

WOW! 30 years ago today, at 3 PM, Anita and I were married. That’s a long time, and it was just yesterday.

The first time I met Anita she had me washing dishes – it was at the 1976 Mid-Winter Retreat at Cedars of Lebanon State Park. She was the Tenn Tech BSU Hostess, and I was a visiting my brother for the weekend. Being a lowly senior in high school, I was assigned to the kitchen crew doing dish duty. I recognized Anita as a sister in Christ, and a seed was planted there, even though it took both of us several years to realize.

I ended up at Tenn Tech that fall and it was through college BSU activities that I began to know Anita first as a friend. We traveled in different circles, but occasionally those circles touched, and over a two year period God began to draw us together.

Our first “date” was at the BSU Spring Banquet in 1978. She graduated that June, began her career as an accountant in Nashville, and I remained at TTU. We began dating, and gradually, those circles became smaller, and eventually overlapped.

While serving as a summer missionary in 1979, I knew beyond a doubt that she was the one. While racking up huge long distance phone bills, we knew that we were going to be married that year. Anita became my fiancée at the end of the summer, and we set our wedding for late in the year.

We had a large wedding, with friends and family coming together for a joyous celebration service in Goodlettsville, TN. On that day, Anita became my wife.

After a honeymoon over the Christmas break, Anita moved back to Cookeville while I finished TTU. During my summer missionary service, I knew God was calling me to continue my education at Southern Seminary. Graduation from TTU came in December 1980 but entrance to seminary was delayed until the following fall – we were expecting our first child!

Jonathan was born in April 1981, Jason in September 1984, Amy in October 1988, and Aaron in November 1992. We moved several times to different places of service over three states, eventually ending up in Huntersville NC in 1995. Anita’s added role as mother was a natural fit, and our family times over the years remain some of my strongest memories.

In 2008, a new part of our family began: Jonathan and Hallie had a son, named Jack. Anita had become Nina (no grandma or granny – she’s too young!). Jason married Jaime, and Anita became a mother-in-law. Our family had grown and spread out, from WV to Boone to Buies Creek, with us still in Huntersville.

So, here we are at 10,958 days – and counting! Anita and I have been on quite a journey of relationships over those days. We haven’t moved from one to the other, but added to each along the way:

Sister - Friend - Fiancée - Wife - Mother - Nina - Mother-in-Law

Marriage is a journey, not a destination. I thank God that Anita chose to walk with me, and I thank Him for the gift He gives me daily.

I love you, A – and can’t wait for the next step tomorrow – and beyond!

Innovation, Relevance, and the Church: Paradox in Action?

One of the paradoxes of the church today is that it demands continual innovation yet often resists change.

In an effort to keep pace with fast-changing culture, churches of all types and sizes often implement various levels of change in order to reach the unchurched. These changes range from the relatively minor (different times and days for worship, different styles of worship) to the really edgy (launching an Internet campus, using building funds for missional activities and meeting outdoors).

But in ChurchWorld, there is no such thing as a minor change. Moving a worship time back one hour to accommodate another, different type of service can be very threatening to members who have grown used to patterns of attendance. And I won’t even start on worship styles!

On the other hand, churches – especially those started in the last decade or so – have so integrated innovation and change into their DNA that they are continually pushing the envelope of ministry possibilities in order maintain relevance in society.

The following quotes from Tim Manners, author of Relevance; editor and publisher of Cool News of the Day, and regular contributor to Fast Company magazine provide some things for church leaders to think about:

• Sustaining relevance can require a kind of innovation in reverse: finding new ways to continue doing things the way they’ve always been done.
• Relevance is designing and implementing meaningful solutions and providing them when and where people need them most.
• If some is good, more isn’t necessarily better. A disciplined focus on what matters most is essential to innovation and growth.
  

What, then, is the approach church leaders need to take when it comes to innovation? There certainly aren’t any easy answers, and every church must decide for itself how much and how fast it is going to innovate. But to me, the church is a living, breathing organism –the Body of Christ. If living things don’t constantly change, they die. It’s that simple. Craig Groeschel summed it up pretty good: “To reach people no one else is reaching, we’ve got to do things no one else is doing.”

How are you dealing with the paradox of innovation and resistance to change in your church?

My Son, the Hooker

That would be a rugby position, don't you know!



After playing soccer since he was 5, Aaron made the switch to rugby full-time this year. He plays for the North Mecklenburg High School team, wearing the #2 jersey.




The hooker position is in the center of the front line. It requires superior hand-eye and foot-eye coordination, flexibility, agility, upper body strength, and quickness. Powerful legs are also an asset.



At 5'6" and 190 lbs. Aaron fits the bill. He can drive the ball forward in a pile of opposing players, often carrying three or more with him.



The pictures are after a game in the rain and cold today. He had already turned his jersey in, but it was covered in mud as well.

It's literally a whole new game, as we are learning new positions, plays, strategy, field layouts - everything.

It's going to be an interesting year!

What's Your Biggest Challenge for 2010?

2009 is winding down and 2010 is looming large. For ChurchWorld leaders, December is a busy time of year; most of you just want to survive! I would like for you to think in different terms:

What's going to be your biggest challenge in 2010?

I'd like to know. Leave a comment or send me an email. Your responses, and those of other thought leaders across the country, will form a series of posts next week.

A Leader's Legacy

I was still thinking about "legacy" from yesterday's post, so I turned to John Maxwell's writings for a few more thoughts on what it means to create a legacy - in the present tense.

The most strategic expression of Moses' leadership had to be his training of Joshua. Through that training, Joshua became a key element in Moses' legacy.

Joshua finished the task that Moses started: leading the people from Egypt into the Promised Land. This was definitely a joint effort: Moses' example and equipping AND Joshua's hunger and giftedness.

Notice the way Moses passed along his legacy:

1. Moses empowered Joshua and have him authority (Num.27:20)
2. Moses gave Joshua experience and opportunities for application (Num. 27:21-22)
3. Moses gave Joshua encouragement and affirmation (Num. 27:23)

Because Moses spent the time necessary to equip Joshua, his dream of Israel entering the Promised Land came to pass even though he did not personally see it happen.

Now that's a lesson in legacy building! How are you going to put it into practice?

Legacy

With apologies to Mr. Webster, I think it’s time to create a new definition of legacy – as in “living legacy”.

The term “legacy” is almost always thought of in the past tense – if not in terms of a deceased’s gift to heirs, then actions or memories of a person no longer in a position to have an impact any longer. This is a correct and proper use of the word, but I would like to suggest that legacy is actually much richer in terms of the present.

I benefited from growing up in a home where Christian values were both taught and lived out daily. My parent’s legacy, then, was expressed in actions right before my eyes. Even in their mid-80s, my parents are still imparting wisdom to me – they are living out a legacy. But I was also impacted in profound ways by other adults along my life’s journey who lived out a legacy of faith that was powerfully impacting in my faith development.

I have four children, whom I love dearly. With two of them out of the house with families of their own, the third well on the way as a senior in college, and the fourth a junior in high school, I realize my significant impact on them has already occurred. But my legacy to them lives on in the way they interact with others around them. It’s not finished; it’s just a different perspective, still very much alive.

The community of faith we live in – our church family as a whole, and in smaller groups even more so – is a legacy builder in just as strong a fashion as a parent. I have noticed it even more as my children have grown into young adulthood – there are men and women who impact their lives in a regular and intentional way. These godly leaders and friends are continuing to shape the legacy of those around them. As a parent, I appreciate the close friendships and time these “legacy builders” are investing. In ways that I, even as a parent, can never do, they are living a legacy that is shaping my children’s lives. In quiet but powerful demonstrations of love, they are passing on a heritage of faith through the lives they live day in and day out – often unnoticed by others, but truly a treasure of the Kingdom of God.

Sister, brother in the faith: you are a living legacy to those around you – even when you don’t realize it. Keep true to your Lord’s guiding hand, and know that you are loved and appreciated beyond words.