Failing to Listen =

Dysfunctional Leadership

Case in point: Rehoboam, upon assuming the kingship of Israel after his father Solomon's death.

Ancient history, you say? No application for today?

Wrong on both counts.

At my church, Elevation Church in Charlotte, Pastor Steven Furtick is in the middle of a series called "One Generation Away". It's all about the possible danger - and incredible potential - of today's younger generations. But it's a message for all of us: the 83 year-old GI Generation, the 52 year-old Baby Boomer, the 30 year-old Gen Xer, and the 18 year-old Millennial.

We are all one generation away from changing the world.

For some of us, it's in finishing our lives well, passing along decades of wisdom and experience. For others, it's pouring ourselves into those we lead, work with, and serve alongside. For still others, it's balancing the eagerness and impatience of youth with the need to proceed with deliberate haste.

It's about listening.

John Maxwell had some great thoughts on listening to accompany the story of Rehoboam in 2 Chronicles 10:15:

Leaders must listen for two reasons:

1. To connect with others
2. To learn from others

To fail to listen results in:

• Narrow vision
• Poor decision-making skills
• Self-centered focus
• Demanding and impatient style

The opposite? Listen well to the following:

• Your followers-do you know each member on your team?
• Your customers-keep in contact with those you serve.
• Your competitors-don't imitate, but listen in order to learn.
• Your mentors-no leader can afford to be without a mentor's insight.
• Your inner circle-listen to those closest to you to feel the heartbeat of the organization.

Check out Pastor Steven's sermon here.

Practice listening here...

Avoiding Misunderstandings

The way to avoid a misunderstanding is to have an understanding.

I heard those words from my father years ago, and they have come to be an important part of an ongoing learning curve involving that most difficult of social skills – communication.

Communication between individuals or groups of people is never easy. Some people think that all we have to do is to listen. Others think we just need to hear them out. However, there is a great difference between hearing and listening. Hearing refers to the physical dimension of the sound waves striking the ear and the brain processing them into meaningful information. Listening, however, involves far more than the hearing process. It incorporates paying attention and focusing with the intention of understanding and responding appropriately.

One of the most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and to be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them. Not only that but when people feel that you have really listened to them, you will gain their respect and they will value and give you the credibility to speak.

Consider how you feel when you sense someone is really listening to what you have to say. You feel good, you feel understood, and more connected to the person who is listening. The fact that they are interested causes you to feel cared for.

True listening is a skill which needs to be learnt and practiced because the mind functions seven times more quickly than it is possible to speak. Therefore the mind needs to be slowed down and focused on what the person is saying, and not pay attention to other irrelevant thoughts or distractions.

One of the best ways to build up your listening skills is to ask a question, and then be quiet and listen to the answer. Questions will give you a greater understanding of the person, give them encouragement, and instill a sense of connectedness. Make sure that ask questions and listen more than you speak.

When you have the opportunity, use a question or questions and experience the power of creating understanding with others through the power of listening.

Leadership Lessons from Your Son

Last night I had the opportunity to observe my almost 16 year old son continue to mature before my eyes. My wife and I are launching a new small group, and we gathered at a friend's house to take care of the logistics and get the group going. Since the gathering was originally taking place at Panera Bread, and supper was involved, naturally he wanted to attend (he is a teenager, after all - the kind that has to eat every 3 hours or he will waste away).

Supper was fairly quiet, with routine conversation around the table. A last minute change in plans (a full moon, very temperate weather, and the offer of my friend's back porch for the small group) led us away from Panera. There were originally going to be some additional teenagers present, but for one reason or another, they didn't make it, leaving my son the only one - among 8 adults. He decided to stay with the encouragement of all of us - and ended up teaching us all a little about life and learning and what it means to be a disciple.

This particular group is coming together "for a season" with the intent of multiplying into several other groups in the next year or so. Because all four couples have teenagers, the conversation shifted toward the question of teens and what they are looking for in a group, and in church. In recounting some recent events, the group was stopped dead in its tracks by my son's comment: "You all are doing it right - you're asking questions, and listening to us."

You're asking questions, and listening to us. That's a pretty profound thought from anybody, but especially from a normally quiet teenage boy. The heart of that statement is a truth everyone in leadership needs to take to heart more often.

Who are you talking with? What questions are you asking? Are you listening - really listening?